Why is it that I clean my house especially well when I know friends are coming over? I am hosting a book club tomorrow at my house. It won't be a particularly hard group to host. They are some of my closest friends. They don't expect a lot of food or fussing. Yet, I always seem to be compelled to clean just a little more thoroughly before they arrive.
I guess it's because I have a couple of friends who are especially neat and tidy. There are only rare moments that I ever see their house less than spotless. And those moments are usually short-lived. I assume that if they keep their houses that way, they probably expect other places to be equally as well-kept. In fact, I would bet that they notice when other houses aren't quite as clean. In fact, I know they do. Oh, they may not say anything, or they may even say that mess or dirt doesn't bother them. I'm not sure I buy it.
You see, several years and many kids ago, I used to be a neat-freak myself. My house was spotless any time of day, and I took great pride in that. I had a friend who was the exact opposite. I loved her to death, but was always amused at how untidy her house was. I would find myself "helping" her out when I went over for coffee. I would just quietly grab a dishcloth and start cleaning her breakfast table or maybe her counter top. Well now, the shoe is on the other foot. I find my friends quietly wiping up my counter or helping in other ways.
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the help, but I don't want them to think I'm a slob. I'm really a neat-freak stuck inside a very over-busy, mother's body. So I clean just a little harder before people come over. I find it necessary to prove to them that the mess that normally prevails at our house has not gotten control of me. That being the mother of four is not as overwhelming as it looks. That I can handle it all and clean my own house, too. And yet, how does that make them feel, in turn? Doesn't it put the same pressure that I'm feeling right back on them?
I will never forget going into the bathroom of my neat-freak friend's home one time only to find it less than tidy. I'm not talking disgusting. There were just water marks and finger smudges here and there. The toilet paper roll was empty. The sort of stuff that happens in our homes every day. It was at that moment that I felt great relief. My friend's life was not perfectly kept . . . it was normal just like mine, complete with all of the little messes that come with it. I instantly felt a little more comfortable in her home.
This whole predicament leaves me with two choices. 1. Embrace the dust bunnies, finger smudges and piles of school papers as part of my God-given, blessed life or 2. keep on cleaning, putting on the facade of perfection that not only wears me out mentally and physically, but also puts a barrier up between my friends and me. I think I'll just clean the first floor today and call it a compromise!
4 comments:
Go dust bunnies! I'm pretty sure we have them living in our home by the truckloads. Great post. Good reminder about priorities and perceptions.
I say if your friends were truly bothered by something as petty as a few dust bunnies then they've got bigger issues than you. Because there is no such thing as the perfect balancing mom. You have plenty on your plate and are making sure your kids are well loved (and well.. that's the important part).
Of course I do the same thing too, so what do I know?
I had a really good response all written, and sent it to oblivion, sooo, beginning again... I say Foo,foo, bunny foo foo. My strategy is to dust the dark furniture, wipe the kitchen counter, put away the dishes, hide the clutter, clean the powder room, put some flowers on the table with the food and call it a day. I usually dust without my glasses, so I see fewer bunnies. Lasik surgery has you at a disadvantage there. The main thing is that you have opened your home to friends to have a good time discussing books! Piles of paper stacked neatly don't look so bad!
Hope you had a great time. How was the discussion of Gatsby?
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